ebb and flow

it’s funny how quickly i fell away from this blog and as of here lately i seem to have nothing left to write in this space. that’s probably not true.  i have simply felt uninspired.  not uninspired by life but uninspired to write here.  maybe a thoughtful and thoughtlessly planned post will kick my energies back in to gear.

i have not been cooking.  for a moment i start to say i have not been creating but i don’t think that is true.  i’ve been creating differently.  primarily i’ve been creating relationships.  not the juicy romantic relationships that would be ultra fun to blog about… maybe…  i’ve been trying new things, reaching out, looking at ways to be connected and learning things.  i noticed the reason i have not been cooking is that my sundays were my sort it out in the kitchen (and in my head days).  now my sundays are spent at yoga teacher training.  it’s been a crazy adjustment to commit 1 of 2 weekend days to this opportunity, envelope myself into the reading, the extra classes, continue nurturing all of the other lovelies in my life, and find some kind of balance for myself alone.  

something had to give but not my diet, mane.  it was awesome to finally recognized the cooking thing.  these last 2 weeks i have succeeded in getting my beans soaking on saturdays (thanks JP for the suggest) and getting sunday stock on early sunday morning (thanks Momma for the crockpot).  last week i had a FABULOUS mushroom and navy bean stew, and this week i have another FABULOUS cabbage and lentil stew.  this simple thing brings me such happiness.

i’ve had mostly ups.  up until last week, that is, when i hit a good stretch of fun-ky down.   i say a good stretch with a bit of a laugh b/c now that i’m feeling better i realize i think i’ve had only a couple bits of down this year… and considering the things i could have gotten down into, that’s a pretty good thing.  the downs were treated with compassion this year, something i haven’t managed as well in years past.  i took some time out.  i paid attention to what it was in my emotions and i shared it.  i skipped yoga.  i went for a manicure.  i went for cocktails when that’s what i darned well pleased.  i recognized the seasonal change and i knew, i believed, that with time, love and compassion, my body would restore its balance.  thank you body for doing your thing right like you have done.

in hindsight, i could have taken that sadface to yoga.  i underestimated my new friends.  i shared with them this week and i know they understand.  they are some awesome possum new sisters.  turns out 1/2 of us skipped out on yoga that day.  those that did attend were also funky.  funky is authentic and perfectly appropriate to share.  it was nice to compare these days, and observe a pattern amongst us.     

i had a fantastic bunch of merry holidays.  i enjoyed being with my family so much.  we went out on the town to celebrate grandma’s birthday on christmas eve.  i cooked knock your stockings off veg enchiladas christmas day.  the rest of the fam damily came over to close out our 3 day event with cases of mimosas, bloody marys, wine, and a veg friendly meal of masters, excepting only the turkey.  i stayed in the burbs where mom lives, close to my Besties from HS.  i loved being there and that those days enabled me to spend some quality time with all of them. 

i’m not so huge on gifts but there are some things that stick out.  firstly, Bestie surprised me with the most beautiful turquoise necklace.  i was so touched by this gift since i have been looking for turquoise since before Barcelona.  i felt like it should be a necklace but i hadn’t found anything that was right.  while doing some christmas shopping, for her gift actually, i found an exactly right $15 turquoise bracelet.  i was excited by the bracelet b/c it replaced the bracelet David gave me years ago and i had still been wearing.  Bestie hadn’t seen the bracelet and i doubt she knew how much this turquoise quest has meant to me… so imagine my delight when i open her gift and it’s the exact right turquoise necklace i had in mind (and a perfect match to my bracelet).  it reminded me of the christmas we were synched up enough to buy each other the same gift and the same card!  much has changed since those high school days , obviously, so it was utter delight to experience that moment of oneness with her again.  i will cherish this turquoise set always and forever.

mom got me Osho Zen Tarot cards.  we had tons of fun with readings.  she also got me The China Study (i know, how have i not read this book yet?  i’m excited and my yogis want to book swap our extra reading.  this will make for great circulation.)

i woke up yesterday morning completely refreshed.  i popped out of bed and was not drawn to the tv (YAY!).  i spent time with Yoga Anatomy. i perused the internets.  i found that my yoga friend’s blog had something to say about holistic healing for depression, interesting.   she suggests Bach’s flowers, nature and connecting with others as methods of getting over the hump.  apparently that was the last kicker i needed to go for a run?!?  a 3 mile jaunt in the park before power vinyasa flow, really?  it felt good and the sun was something amazing.  today i’m crazy sore and a bit bothered about the idea of what it will feel like to stretch this out… but i did skip my yoga last week, so this pain is probably deserved…

today i began reading The HeartMath Solution.  i was going to wait to read this on the plane later this week but it’s doubtful i will hold onto it for that long.  speaking of planes, i’m over the moon, you awful retrograde meanie moon, EXCITED about my new year’s plans in denver.  i haven’t a clue what those plans entail aside from merely showing up but i couldn’t be more thrilled about visiting my special, special friend and her gorgeous family for this year’s sacred holiday. 

if i end on this note, i’ve failed to mention only one thing still left in this boggle of mind: it’s AP, and i need to figure out my next step.  now that he’s chosen his path, i need to determine my relationship to it.  i think the distance has been defined and it’s time to ignore less.  it’s time to accept and give love and compassion, in a healthy way.  hmmm…