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happy place

August 20, 2009


this is a moment of perfection from last weekend.  it’s a celebration of so many things worth loving as they come together right there in austin, texas…

oh take me away… let’s stay… in this happy, joyous space…

a year ago i was dreaming of all things portland.  i can still feel the peace and release in my first inhale of the crisp breathe of portland air.  as i packed up my baggage to go, the heartbreaking reason to stay dumped out.  and as i reasoned with that decision to stay i took a vow to myself in acceptance of this change.  i chose to embrace the adversity i swallowed, as i took on another year of exactly the opposite of what i wanted in exchange for facing something i’d prefer to bury.  i would find ways to appreciate the delicate, beautiful intricacies of the life i had before me.  i would stop complaining about my job.  i would seek out the draws of portland in my own backyard as it already existed (and almost quite literally).  i vowed to concentrate on the millions of things that make me happy right where i am.  as we have experienced in the tune of this hobby blogging this year, that’s exactly what i’ve done.

it’s amazing to me that i’ve found so much beauty in a sea of reasons to not feel happy.  i could go on and on about the abundance of riches in the struggle of life of 2009.   it’s worked.  it bought me 9 months.  i am thankful for this.

recently things have begun to shift.  some of this shift was expected while others were not.  some has been harder than expected, and some has brought the intensly or amazingly unexpected.  i don’t mean to dance around these words, though i like it.  rather, i write here to play in knowing that expectations hold no purpose, and purpose will triumph regardless of expectations… how exciting… 

this past weekend served as a remarkable shift.  the empowerment of spending a weekend immersed in a sisterhood that runs back to the days of toeheaded Barbie and carries forward in familiar, unprotected, raw, comfort and love, brought my spirit the requisite renewal to spin my energies in motion for what is next…  when all of the sudden, i find myself dancing with serene purpose.  i believe i’ve received the cleanse i thought i was looking for in my interest in raw foods.  

these happy words flow freely even though, quite frankly, this week has been kicking my ass.  it’s been emotional and maddening and confusing and all of the sudden it all fit again.  maybe this is my spirit going through detox.  regardless of how many yoga classes i went to, during this 9 months of vowed happy place the same toxins have collected.  how could they not be when few of the things i planned to leave last year are any different for me today?  the smog of those challenges still exists even if i’ve chosen to breathe it differently.  

as i open to these shifts, these feelings, i know it’s all ok.  i also know it’s time to get back to business:  Maya Business.  there’s a chance this blog might shift again with it.

it’s a blessing to ask and receive a more generous gift than requested.  as i set out on my drive home from Austin, i knew my sisters had given this to me.  thank you, dear ones.  i raise my glass to you, and look forward to sharing those gut wrenching laughs with you again soon.

One Comment leave one →
  1. fortheloveofguava permalink
    August 21, 2009 11:35 am

    mmm… good for you lady…

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